would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
