Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Non-Jews are for practice
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
