HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
