told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
