So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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