I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
