just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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