I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
as a side note pls kill me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
