Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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