if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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