so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
