My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
