Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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