I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
