Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
