It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
