Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
