I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Green mimosas i think yes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize