Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
