No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize