just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
