I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
