honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
don't judge my taste in strippers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
