I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
