Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
