my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
