I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's never too late to be topless.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
do nipples grow back?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
