I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
