Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
