I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize