so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
