i just wanna soil my oats bro
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
