the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
