i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
