i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
