we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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