I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
