last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
