She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
His nipple licking is glorious
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