Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
