We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize