Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
