If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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