My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
