What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
