thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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