ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
