when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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