My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
