I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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