That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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