I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
