I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
