I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
