Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
