my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
