I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
