All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
