ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
