hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize