I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
