just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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