So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
