somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
