I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
