Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We left an ass print on the piano.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
