I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
