I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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