so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
