The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
