also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
