i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
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