M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
