You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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