Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
