Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
