I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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