I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
