you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
