If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
