oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
