chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My dick has a subreddit
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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