I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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