The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize