you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
