When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
