we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
