i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
