I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
