This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
