I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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