dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
