we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
