So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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