He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
