i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
