hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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