I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
