She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
