im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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