He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
