I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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