Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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