I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
